Hi, pretty people! I hope you are okay. Today I come with a special interview with David P. Wichman. He's the co-author of Every Grain of Sand, with Heather Ebert which is also one of my 9 favorite non-fiction books so far this year and International Book Awards Finalist in the LGBTQ Nonfiction Category, a sex worker, healer, and soul-of-gold bearer. Grab a sit and meet this man!
1. What made you write this book? Why now and not earlier or later?
I had been trying to write my story for years, but never got very far. Then, the sex worker industry came under attack from the Fosta-Sesta Acts passed by Congress - far-reaching laws that harm sex workers disguised as a law to stop human trafficking. Sadly, this legislation has only sent real criminals deeper underground and caused harm and even death to marginalized sex workers all over the USA. I felt compelled to write my book to help people understand, even a little, how sex work can be a fulfilling calling.
2. Do you think working on it has changed you in any way?
Goodness, yes. I feel like I re-lived my life five times over and had a chance to reexamine my journey from a more evolved space. I have found so many surprising areas where my story can be useful in the world. It’s really gratifying.
3. How would you describe your spiritual path?
I don’t really have a path… I just sort of live in a way that tries to balance being of service to the world with also serving my own needs to allow me to feel good about the work I do. I use meditation as a tool for creativity and also as a way of letting go of old ideas and habits I have learned over the years.
I believe that we are each a gift to this planet. We are the messengers: we come here to deliver our specific message to the world through our deeds, our pain, and the love we share.
I feel like every single one of us is a saint (yes, even the dastardly demons among us). We have great teachers who show us who we can be and who we should try not to be.
I work hard not to lump people into Good, Bad, Right, or Wrong indignities… We have a very short time here on the planet. If I can bring joy or witness someone’s healing, I think that is the work of the spiritual life. Be kind. Be tender. Be a light.
4. You were always surrounded by abusive, traumatic environments and events. Do you think growing up in these conditions influenced you in any way to become a sex worker?
Honestly, I really don’t know how to answer that. I guess those people who read my book can decide for themselves if I fell into this work or if I was meant to be who I am.
I do believe I was born to do the work I do. Honestly, I have tried everything else. I sometimes still doubt my work, but it’s just the usual imposter syndrome or the shame society places on sexuality that beats on my door from time to time.
I have experienced deep shame and stigma. I have felt the pit of loneliness at levels that have made me absolutely certain that I do not want others to experience it. So, naturally it has become my life’s work to play a part in uncovering and dissolving that negativity from those of us who have been harmed by such experiences. Sex work is a lot about that, it just never looks like it from the outside.
5. There has always been a lot of stigma and misconceptions about being a sex worker. However, would you say this has changed in any way today?
I think as humanity evolves, acceptance and openness come into play. However, sex workers must continue to stand up against laws that harm us and the people who use the services of sex workers.
There is a lot more education out there, and thankfully we have the Internet now. We are in a constant state of flux because the old laws and antiquated ideas still permeate through our very fractured world right now. I do not know if we will ever truly get to complete acceptance, but I think there is a lot to be said about how today’s younger generation is far more accepting in many ways than other generations. I am hopeful.
6. How do you think sex and pleasure can heal a person? Are there certain conditions that have to be present for it to work?
I am pretty sure sexual intimacy is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves and others.
I do not believe in “healing” as a result of the work I do. I believe what we are doing when we think we are healing is actually uncovering areas of ourselves and returning them to a sense of wholeness.
Sex, love, intimacy are the pathways to many forms of returning to wholeness. Pleasure stimulation is one of the tools used to get there. It is available to everyone 100% of the time.
7. Do you think it is different from other forms of healing, like, for example, reiki?
I am not a holistic practitioner versed in these modalities. If I were to guess, I would say yes, and be so bold as to say most of these energy-healing practices mixed with intimacy, sexual pleasure and love interactions are very powerful tools.
8. Looking back in time, what would you say is your biggest change?
My recovery. I used to think I was broken beyond repair, and I have fully found myself restored and whole. I feel like I can access my whole self and be useful in the world. For many, many years, I felt completely useless.
9. What are you currently working on? Is there any project you could tell us about?
I have recently been exploring mindfulness self-pleasure practices. I feel like it’s a great time to love ourselves more deeply. This pandemic has made it abundantly clear that we all have work to do.
AND! I have written a 4-week online course called “The Four Rooms to Sexual Wholeness,” coming out in November. This is a powerful course on uncovering our sexual hang-ups and really digging deep into our sexual wellness. Stay tuned. There are lots of details coming up around this.
10. What would be your advice for future writers and sex workers?
If sex work is something you feel called to do, know that you are joining the ranks of the keepers of the temples. You are the doorway that many will walk through in order to remember their wholeness.
Writers! Do not wait to write. Just keep writing even if it makes no sense. Your story matters. Be a lighthouse…we are waiting to hear your story.Finally, I say this with absolute sincerity… to anyone reading this…
Keep being exactly who you are. There is nothing about you that needs to be changed. The search for the “real you” is a distraction. Self-improvement should always be an add-on, not a destination to “a better version of yourself.” Just keep adding more beauty to your life. Don't fall for the lie.
You are fucking divine. You are a gift. Your presence on this planet is absolutely exactly what we need. You are, and always will be, part of the whole.
No matter what you think or believe, you belong here, and your mission is profound. Stop seeking it. Start being it. Here is how… BE KIND AND USEFUL TO OTHERS. Everything else will come. Trust me, I know.
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