Rise and shine, pornies. I hope you've been well. I stayed up writing this Saturday, after thinking about this guy I was talking with for many days. It's the closest I've been to a relationship in years, the closest I've been to stop being single, and it all stopped so suddenly I felt horrible for days.
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It felt so natural to let many things go when thinking about him. Basically, I'm sad because I was robbed of the opportunity to be a me I haven't been in a long time. In fact, that's the first thing I mention, but I won't make a summary of it. I'd rather you read it in full.
He told me that sometimes he could sound heartless or cold because of how logical and rational he is, and not even once I agreed. He always was kind and nice, but it turned out I was the one left out in the cold because of how warm he was with me. However, now that I've taken some time, I can only be thankful for meeting such a beautiful person. He may not have been what I wanted, but I guess he was what I needed, in a way.
In case you want to read my previous letters:
I wish you had given me an opportunity, a chance to show you what I could be, the kind of person I can become, a side I seldom show others, a part of me I keep for those I hold closer than others. I only mourn for the smiles we could have shared and the time you robbed me from before I could give it to you.
When I go close to that coffee shop I saw you, the only time I could be with you, I smile saddened because it had been a long time since I felt so excited, nervous, and hopeful about someone. There I was, sitting thinking about what it could happen, the million things this could lead, but never once it occurred to me you'd just disappear. Easy comes, easy goes, say the tongues, and one of them was yours.
Those nights I spent reading your messages, wishing I could be by your side, that first time I fell asleep looking at your photo, just because I was excited someone like you laid eyes on me, I still thank you for giving me those memories, for letting me day dream and put a face to many songs. I listen to them, and I still see you, hardly, but there you are.
I understood the silence as soon as it came. You stopped writing, reacting, answering. You were disappearing right in front of me. I told you I understood you would rather have someone in an easier situation, someone more similar to you, maybe more relaxed about many things, and would like to remain friends if you wanted to. The thumbs up you gave me was the coldest I've ever gotten, but despite many people insult you when I tell them that, your face still makes me smile.
It still hurt, although I know I'm not in love. I was not. I was about to, I was just one inch away, when you faded. It shattered me because I never saw it coming, never saw a sign, everything looked so perfect that I crashed as soon as you froze me. I'm thawing, but only because the smiles you gave me are more important to me.
You may never know it, wolfie, but in three weeks you made me smile 8more than I did in the years before. You may never think about me again, but I will always keep your voice in my mind, like a beautiful song that was cut too short.
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