Good morning, pornies. I hope you are in the mood for some reading. However, this is something different, a long letter I just wrote thinking about this guy I like. It's been LONG since I wrote something unrelated to witchcraft, books, queerness, and all those usual topics in the blog, but today I woke up, started listening to Taylor Swift, and realized my hands wanted to get something out of me.
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I don't want to tell much because I already wrote a lot for that letter, but here are other things I want to do, so, after the quick update I shared on Instagram, this is also something I've been thinking about for a time. It is not perfect, and I barely edited it, so there will be mistakes, maybe missing words, and so on, but I don't care, at least not right now.
Also, I guess I will write another letter for someone else because, being the messy bunch of emotions I am most of the time, I'm interested in more than one person at the same time. It's not the first time it happens, and it surely won't be the last, although I have always imagined myself with only one person; I'm open to polyamory, I guess, but I would need some time to think about it. As for this someone else... I guess I just need to wake up again, in the middle of the night, and start thinking so I find the right words.
Kinky regards, K!
PS: No, this person doesn't live in London. He's right here with me, in the same city, so close and so far at the same time.
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All these days I’ve been wanting to start writing something, anything, thinking about you, about what I feel, about what we could be if you paid any attention, if those glances you give me would mean something, anything else. I know it may sound creepy, but I thought I would take this chance to be honest.
After all the things that have happened to me, all the breakups, the pain, the fear, the treason, the people that turned their back on me, and the ones I’m sure will do in a heartbeat, at some point, sooner or later, I can help but daydream about you and your eyes. Your eyes, more than anything else.
I wish I could discover what they hide, what they’ve seen, and if I could make them look at me the way mine look at you. I wish I knew what exactly the shade they are, the way they change under the lights, when you smile, when you laugh, maybe even when you’re afraid while we watch a movie.
We both know there’s something in the air when you catch me up looking at you, stealing seconds for the day, so I can remember what it is like to like someone, or at least that’s what I prefer to think, that there’s hope, that there could be more than just a dream, that I could be the one this time, that you could be. I keep thinking, what are the chances that you’re gonna know all of this anyway, so I might as well just let it out for me.
You would laugh at all the scenarios I’ve imagined these days, all the times I’ve wondered what it would be to hold your hand, to smile at you, what it would be like to get to know you better, know that kind of music you like, the series you binge, what kind of restaurants you’d rather we go to…
More than once I’ve been tempted to get my cards and just get an answer, but what’s the point? I don’t want to know the ending this time. We may never cross another word, we may end up being only friends, and that would be okay. I’m just too curious about what kind of person you are, and I guess it’s true when they say that mystery makes it all the more interesting. It has a charm for sure.
That time when I asked you if you were okay, and you just smiled and laughed a little, told me you are okay and that I didn’t have to worry, or when you saw me looking around, looking for something, you laughed again, or when I tried to make you have a conversation with me asking if your back was okay… I can help but smile at those memories as if they were some kind of precious jewels. And I guess they are, at least for me, for now.
You are the reason I decided not to give up because it’s been a long since I felt so infatuated with someone. Yes, I’ve liked people now and then, some more than others, but you? Wow. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful you are to my eyes, and I know physical attraction doesn’t mean anything, but that only makes me wonder… If you are so beautiful outside, what about the inside? It could either be a dream come true or a total disappointment.
I may be a little awkward when I look at you, but only because it is you. I always tell my friends how much I want you to wreck me in the bed and then I’d return the favor, but what I really know is to talk with you, spend time together, know what you dream about, your plans for the future, discover if you prefer books or movies, if you like to stay inside or travel the world. And then I’ll let you turn me inside out if you want, of course, and have another conversation while we recover, listen to some music, fool around, and have a second round, a third, fourth…
Anyway, this is just a long, weird way to say thank you. Thanks for making me dream, for making me feel alive with only your eyes, with a few words a day, for making me feel happier than I’ve been. I get jealous when I see someone else talking with you, and I wish you would do the same with me, but that’s another thing I’m thankful for because I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.
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