Hi there, lovelies. I hope you are doing okay. I've been reading a bit of this and that, keeping my mind active and my curiosity satiated (it's the journalist in me, I cannot help it), and one of those things is polyamory. I have been thinking so many things about it, asking many more, and decided to ask some people about this. If you are new to the topic, keep on reading. These are my first impressions about it.
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| Polyamory Flag, created by Jim Evans in 1995, taken from Saint Wikipedia. |
I want to respect the privacy of both people that told me about this, so I won't be giving any names, but be sure that I trust in them and one has been a very good friend for a while. I won't specify who said what or which part, so everyone stays safe and sound.
As the name implies, polyamory is the practice how having a relationship with more than just one person. What of relationship? That depends on the people involved. Each partner can fulfill one or more aspects of the relationship be it friendship, spiritual, sexual, social, intellectual, or any other. Every relationship is different and the dynamics are determined by the people involved.
However, being polyamorous doesn't mean being "uncapable of being with just one person", but "being capable of being with more than just one person". The difference lies in that all the parts involved love, respect, and trust each other in some way; again, it depends on the people involved how this works out.
I was curious about this mostly because I see many Pagans and Witches in polyamorous relationships, so I naturally asked if this was an influence. "Other" people, those with different beliefs, inclinations, sexualities, and likes, those that don't fall into what's commonly accepted, could be more open to being polyamorous or exploring that option. It can affect and help understand this topic, and I have seen some myths, folklore, and legends where polyamory is present, so it's not that surprising to see it more often in these circles than around "normies", but it's not a definite factor.
Another thing that worried me was being fair and equal to all the people involved. For example, I always thought it would be unfair for two to be married, and the other/s to be the girl/boyfriend/lover. I didn't like the idea of it, but I was told that some relationships work this way with no problem, and I even saw a case on the TV of a married straight couple who developed a polyamorous relationship with the wife's ex girlfriend to the point of both women to have kids with the same man.
Also, I didn't know there is a movement that seeks to legalize polyamorous relationships, although it doesn't surprise me. What did amazed me was that Canada and Colombia recognize them as valid and legal, not because they shouldn't, but because it would take a long time for a country to do this. Colombia, specifically, has laws that give "triejas" the same rights as couples (parejas, in Spanish), not as marriage, but as a "special patrimonial union".
What do I think about all of this? Valid. Period. As long as there is love, respect, and communication, who has the right to say anything about any kind of relationship? I was a bit shocked at the beginning because it was the first time that I actually listened and read and paid serious attention to the matter. Reading books with polyamorous relationships made me realize this is not only about sexual compatibility (but hell, I won't deny the appeal), but about loving just as in monogamous relationships.
I can understand why this is a problem, why bigamy is a problem, mostly because of laws: "Consider the situation of a husband in an irreversible vegetative state in a hospital, who has two wives. The hospital wants to remove life support. One wife agrees, while the other does not. Who wins?" said a user in Quora, and it's a valid question. The answer? The husband wins if he has a will or any kind of proof or document of what he would like to be done in that situation. If not, both wives sit down with the medical team and discuss the most human solution depending on the possibilities, needs, and wishes of the wives and the husband's family.
The same user expalined that "allowing polygamy would require us to rewrite a ton of laws and would also render a ton of case law (judicial decisions) irrelevant. The government doesn’t want to have to do that, and so that is considered a sufficiently legitimate reason to ban bigamy." Really? If that's the reason, then we have some work to do, becuase for centuries the definition of marriage was the union between a man and a woman, and many laws were written with that in mind, but times change, people change. I believe the same will happen with polyamory.
If Canada and Colombia already did it, if Somerville, Massachusetts, voted to recognize poly unions, then it's just a matter of time and effort until more countries and cities do the same. I may be a bit biased because I think I could be in that kind of relationship, maybe because now I understand them and see it's more than just sex, and some may think (but just imagine! The possibilities! *drooling*) But I honestly think that this situation is going to change, poly relationships will get the recognition, acceptance and respect they deserve, and more people will understand them as I do now. Time just need to do it's thing, and the Gods too.
