I've seen so much content about bisexuality that I got excited when I saw Bisexual Men Exist: A Handbook for Bisexual, Pansexual and M-Spec Men, by Vaneet Mehta, in the library. Although not my favorite reading, I can see it as a useful one for those who want to know more about us, and that can serve as a starting point for future books.
- Print Length: 256 pages.
- Publisher: January 19, 2023, by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
- Publication Date: January 19, 2023.
- Topics: Non-fiction, bisexuality, research, sexuality.
- Rating: 3 / 5 stars.
"You're just being greedy.""Are you sure you're not gay?""Pick a side." Being a bisexual man isn't easy - something Vaneet Mehta knows all too well. After spending more than a decade figuring out his identity, Vaneet's coming out was met with questioning, ridicule and erasure. This experience inspired Vaneet to create the viral #BisexualMenExist campaign, combatting the hate and scepticism m-spec (multi-gender attracted spectrum) men encounter, and helping others who felt similarly alone and trapped. This powerful book is an extension of that fight. Navigating a range of topics, including coming out, dating, relationships and health, Vaneet shares his own lived experience as well as personal stories from others in the community to help validate and uplift other bisexual men. Discussing the treatment of m-spec men in LGBTQ+ places, breaking down stereotypes and highlighting the importance of representation and education, this empowering book is a rallying call for m-spec men everywhere.
You can imagine how excited I was when I found this book. I liked the idea and the approach, and it seemed even better the fact that there's a lot of research in here. It was great to see that some of my experiences are backed by science, that there's more people who went through what I did. It gives you some sense of community knowing you're not alone.
However, there's a big problem in this book: it cannot be more depressing that it already is. I struggled to finish it because it was just a never-ending list of problems, issues, trauma, and obstacles faced by bisexual men. This would have been fine if the author offered more possible solutions, but he did not. It was over and over again a list of negativity followed by something along the lines of "we need more positive representation".
I think that, as a first approach, it is useful in some ways and can help others see what happens in our lives as bi men, even though the book includes other people who do not identify as men at all. It can also work as an insight into bisexuality in general, because several of the issues, especially in the second half, are not exclusive to bisexual men. As a final note, I couldn't relate to much of the book because I had positive experiences as a bisexual man, and there's hardly any inclusion of this in it.
While the research could have been better and the content more polished, it's a good option if you want to know more about bisexuals' experiences, a bit more focused on men. It makes you put things into perspective, but I would strongly recommend taking it easy with it so you don't get overwhelmed by depression.
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