Queer Pagan Interview: Tomás Prower (Part 2)

Hello there! How are you feeling, pornies? Today we have the second part of my interview with Tomás Prower, and I'm sure you're gonna love this one since we talk about death A LOT! ^^ But make sure you read Part 1 to enjoy it even more.

9. How would you describe the process of writing your third and most recent book, Morbid Magic? How did the idea come to you in the first place?

Oh, Lord… So. Much. Easier! Stylistically, the groundwork had already been done. It follows the same format as Queer Magic, so I didn’t have to come up with the overall narrative structure and beats to hit. That had already been done. Plus (and people are always surprised at this when I tell them), doing the research for the book was infinitely easier, too.

A lot of reliable documents and writings about queer history and myth just don’t exist. It’s a lot of reading the “official” histories and myths and seeing the obvious queerness that no one talks about (like those two male Egyptian mummies found together in the same sarcophagus inside a tomb whose walls have paintings of them kissing… the history passed down to us from the Victorians is that they were conjoined twins… but really? REALLY?). So, it was a lot of that… as well as talking with people to learn of oral histories and things not written down.

As for death, well, death is death. It’s the same the world over, and there’s LOTS of historical documents and evidence on people dying, how they were buried, what was thought to happen to their soul, etc. I mean, most major religions are entirely focused on living a certain way in order to have a good afterlife. The research was easy.

PLUS, the definition of “queerness” has changed and evolved throughout the ages and among various cultures, so Queer Magic took a lot more mental gear shifting and effort to explain how such-and-such people defined queerness at various points during their history. Again, death is death, so I didn’t have to explain what the cessation of life was at every point in history in every culture around the world.

As to the idea… it just was something that always fascinated me. Writing a book is quite a time-consuming endeavor, so if I’m going to spend all that time researching, writing, editing, re-editing, and then talking about it in countless interviews after it is published, I had better like the subject matter. So, when thinking of a follow-up to Queer Magic, I thought of something else that I was interested it that has ties to the magical and mysterious (because Llewellyn), and bam! Death and the afterlife.

10. Would you say people are more open about death and dying nowadays?

Yes and no. From a very modern perspective, yes, because a lot more people are having conversations compared to 50 years ago about what they want done with their corpse (burial, cremation, aquamation, other)? Perhaps it is the whole Age of Aquarius shift toward rebelliousness and iconoclasm, or perhaps it’s the self-centered iGeneration-ness of inflated self-importance thanks to social media… but people are wanting unique and “special” alternatives to ages-old burial or cremation choices, and so more people are looking into death alternatives and having those open conversations.

From a historical perspective, no, absolutely not. We are so far removed from death in our modern age that it seems, ironically, as something unnatural. No one even sees a dead body anymore or has to deal with it. When grandma dies, we pay money so that a bunch of strangers can pick her up, store her in a communal freezer away from us, and inject her with a bunch of carcinogenic chemicals (so that she can appear “sleeping” rather than “dead”)… all so that we don’t have to be inconvenienced with having to look death in the face and deal with its realities.

Back in the day, people used to die at much earlier ages much more frequently. Life was hard, and we, surrounded by our modern plastic-fantastic luxuries, often forget that. Families used to be the ones to deal with the dead… wash the body, dress it, everything. So, on a species timeline, we are much more adverse to talking about death and dying than we ever have been.

11. You are also a mortician, which I'm sure causes a bit of surprise to those who don't know you. Are there any challenges that are unique in this career?

I like to call myself a “mortuary professional” because (and it’s stupid) the laws of every state in the U.S. relating to death and the death industry are so different that when you say “mortician” in California, it means something legally and culturally different in, let’s say, Georgia (and it gets even more complicated if you’re talking about the word “mortician” internationally).

And oh my God, yes, there are many unique challenges. If you’re in the “front of the house” (working as an arranger with the families), you have to interact with people who are having the worst moment of their life…and get them to agree on massively expensive and elaborate logistical affairs (it’s like being a wedding planner, but with people who are in the throes of grief and can barely socially function at the moment and aren’t, at all, excited for the event you’re helping them plan). In the “back of the house” (working on the corpses), it’s a unique mix of art and science since every person is different and needs different cocktails of formaldehyde and different makeup.

The most unique thing, though, is dealing with all the sadness. It’s a tough job, and burnout is quite high. A lot of people pursue a mortuary career because they’re into the macabre, or like shopping at Hot Topic, or listen to Bauhaus records on repeat… but they don’t understand how emotionally difficult it is, the career path they’re romanticizing.

It’s not just dealing with the families, either… seeing the effects of human violence and sorrow takes its toll. You have to be able to embalm a dead infant, cosmeticize the blush of life back into a young mother who was run over by a drunk driver, and piece together the skull of a teen who took his own life with a sawed-off shotgun all in the same day AND still be able to go home and enjoy your life without all that human sadness consuming you outside of work. It’s a uniquely difficult profession.

12. Would you say being a mortician has helped you in your practice?

Being a mortuary professional? Oh, absolutely; one hundred percent! It’s like I tell everyone… if you are partnering with underworld forces and yet are afraid of your own mortality or refuse to accept the reality of death, then you’re just a poser. How can you work with Death if you are terrified of death and avoid every conversation of and about it?

I had been working with la Santa Muerte before getting into the mortuary business (and it IS a business), so, thankfully, I had already worked through a lot of my existential dread about death and whatever dreams may come. So, I had accepted my mortality and death’s place in the natural world, but it’s a whole other level when you deal with actual dead bodies and those going through their grief. It allowed a deeper insight and understanding into la Santa Muerte and morbid magic and mysticism as a whole.

13. Looking back in time, let's say, five years ago, which would you say is your most significant change?

Growing as an author and knowing how to better navigate through this thing called life as a “public personality”. Five years ago was when La Santa Muerte was first published, and a lot about the publishing business was new to me. I’ve learned the ins and outs of it a lot more, learned how to perfect my craft better (the writing one), learned how to not say “uhmm” so much on radio interviews, and other stuff like that that just comes from experience in the “biz”.

But also, my life has completely changed now that I am known, a “public personality” (I hesitate to use the word “celebrity”, but you know what I mean… strangers all over the world who don’t know me now know me).

It’s thrilling and humbling to get praise and heartfelt messages from strangers around the world who want you to know that the book you put so much time, effort, and love into has made a major impact in their life for the better. It’s also cripplingly hurtful to get vitriolic, uninformed hate messages about you and your children (my books) by haters who just wanna hate.

It’s weird to now have the things I say on social media be analyzed and “interpreted” (or rather misinterpreted) by millions online. Everyone has an opinion about me; many of them have strong feelings about me and aren’t afraid to say it behind their avatar and blogger pseudonym. Yes, I have even been recognized on the street a handful of times, it’s so weird.

It’s a different life. There’s less privacy is the best way I can probably describe it. It’s obviously nowhere near like being a Hollywood star (which must be very, very different if my life has changed so much from only niche fame), but it is very, very different than being a person who still has anonymity and a private life. Five years ago, I could dance like no one’s watching; now the world is watching every step I make.

14. Are there any future plans or projects you could share with us?

Always! (laughs). I write because I love writing. I’d still be doing it even without getting contracts. So, I’m always working on a number of different things, some more immediate and some more long-term. What I can say, though, is that I do have another Llewellyn book in the works and that it is the next in my series of ‘round-the-world deep dives into a specific topic of taboo magic and mysticism. That topic, however, I’ll keep to myself for the time being. Like that infamous Casanova of a bowling instructor, Jacques, from the first season of The Simpsons once said, “Better than the moment, better than the memory, is the anticipation…”

15. Which would be your advice for young, future magical practitioners?

Perfection isn’t real. All too often I get these people who want to know the “perfect” way to do such and such a ritual or the “one, true, correct” way to do this or that. They are so obsessed with getting everything perfect that they blind themselves to the real potency of magic: your visceral, emotional connection with the Divine. If you wanna get really into it, the people who are so obsessed with getting a ritual or spell “perfect” are those who don’t trust in their own inherent magic or power… and so they rely on trying to mimic the success of others by following, word-for-word, what they did. But that’s not magic; that’s self-doubt.

Mistakes and messiness is the entrance price we all have to pay to become proficient in anything. If you’re not willing to make mistakes, then you’ll never learn… and if those mistakes aren’t worth it to you, then you don’t really want to practice magic; you just want the results that magic can deliver… and if that’s true, then just hire someone. There’s nothing wrong with paying money to someone who knows more than you to get the job done (it’s why I don’t fix the brakes on my own car or self-diagnose any medical conditions). But if you want to be a magical PRACTITIONER, then be willing to unintentionally make a fool of yourself and make “beginner” mistakes. Anyone who is worth their salt has been there. It’s a rite of passage people just don’t talk about (laughs).

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