A few days ago* I was meditating to control my nerves, put some order in my head, and stop whatever was going in my mind. I was under a lot of stress and anxiety, and, I won't lie, also frustrated for not writing here. When I started meditating, paying attention to my breathing, I pictured myself in a dark place, but something happened: I saw purple fire, Bi Fire, in my heart.
Picturing myself in a circle of fire and with metal music in the background, I realized that it was turning purple, mostly. There was pink to my left, blue to my right, but the fire was mostly purple, and even to my sides the colors changed now and then. I decided to let it be, and paid attention to how I felt and reacted.
I didn't picture myself anywhere, and I hardly do it. At that time, I was just surrounded by darkness. I was in a dark place with nothing around and no shape at all. It was all black, me sitting cross-leged, a ring of fire around me.
Slowly, several tendrils of fire rose up in a counterclockwise motion, creating a dome that covered me, and the fire grew bigger. Although it hasn't happened before, I still let the images take their course, feeling safer and more confident as all this happened.
Then it all came inside of me. The fire didn't form a ball or anything. It just went inside my heart area, I could breath more easily, felt calmer, much better than when I started. I pictured my hearth with bi fire again, only this time I saw the actual organ purple-colored and the purple flames around.
I stayed like that for a while, feeling the fire still inside, yet not as chaotic as before. I felt in more control of myself, my head, my heart, maybe also my life. I've felt more confident about my ideas, more focused on what I need to do and what I enjoy doing.
A few days ago I started working on a new story, creating the concept art for some places, even a draft for a character, and now, working on this post, I can't help but wonder if that bi fire circle had something to do with it. I like to think it did. I feel more confident about my identity, who I am, what I do, what I represent, and the direction I'm going.
I still have several ideas, some that need more work than others, the most important ones to me, those that are Kyler's and those that are not, are taking better shape, I knew how to prioritize, put order in my mental chaos, just like the fire from that meditation. It's not only that I'm in control; I'm on fire.
*I originally wrote this for my Patreon, but since I'm focusing on the blog now, I wanted to share an updated version here.
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