Letter to an Impossible Lover

Good morning, pornies. I hope you are in the mood for some reading. However, this is something different, a long letter I just wrote thinking about this guy I like. It's been LONG since I wrote something unrelated to witchcraft, books, queerness, and all those usual topics in the blog, but today I woke up, started listening to Taylor Swift, and realized my hands wanted to get something out of me.

Pixabay

I don't want to tell much because I already wrote a lot for that letter, but here are other things I want to do, so, after the quick update I shared on Instagram, this is also something I've been thinking about for a time. It is not perfect, and I barely edited it, so there will be mistakes, maybe missing words, and so on, but I don't care, at least not right now.

Also, I guess I will write another letter for someone else because, being the messy bunch of emotions I am most of the time, I'm interested in more than one person at the same time. It's not the first time it happens, and it surely won't be the last, although I have always imagined myself with only one person; I'm open to polyamory, I guess, but I would need some time to think about it. As for this someone else... I guess I just need to wake up again, in the middle of the night, and start thinking so I find the right words.

Kinky regards, K!

PS: No, this person doesn't live in London. He's right here with me, in the same city, so close and so far at the same time.

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All these days I’ve been wanting to start writing something, anything, thinking about you, about what I feel, about what we could be if you paid any attention, if those glances you give me would mean something, anything else. I know it may sound creepy, but I thought I would take this chance to be honest.

After all the things that have happened to me, all the breakups, the pain, the fear, the treason, the people that turned their back on me, and the ones I’m sure will do in a heartbeat, at some point, sooner or later, I can help but daydream about you and your eyes. Your eyes, more than anything else.

I wish I could discover what they hide, what they’ve seen, and if I could make them look at me the way mine look at you. I wish I knew what exactly the shade they are, the way they change under the lights, when you smile, when you laugh, maybe even when you’re afraid while we watch a movie.

We both know there’s something in the air when you catch me up looking at you, stealing seconds for the day, so I can remember what it is like to like someone, or at least that’s what I prefer to think, that there’s hope, that there could be more than just a dream, that I could be the one this time, that you could be. I keep thinking, what are the chances that you’re gonna know all of this anyway, so I might as well just let it out for me.

You would laugh at all the scenarios I’ve imagined these days, all the times I’ve wondered what it would be to hold your hand, to smile at you, what it would be like to get to know you better, know that kind of music you like, the series you binge, what kind of restaurants you’d rather we go to…

More than once I’ve been tempted to get my cards and just get an answer, but what’s the point? I don’t want to know the ending this time. We may never cross another word, we may end up being only friends, and that would be okay. I’m just too curious about what kind of person you are, and I guess it’s true when they say that mystery makes it all the more interesting. It has a charm for sure.

That time when I asked you if you were okay, and you just smiled and laughed a little, told me you are okay and that I didn’t have to worry, or when you saw me looking around, looking for something, you laughed again, or when I tried to make you have a conversation with me asking if your back was okay… I can help but smile at those memories as if they were some kind of precious jewels. And I guess they are, at least for me, for now.

You are the reason I decided not to give up because it’s been a long since I felt so infatuated with someone. Yes, I’ve liked people now and then, some more than others, but you? Wow. I can’t even begin to describe how beautiful you are to my eyes, and I know physical attraction doesn’t mean anything, but that only makes me wonder… If you are so beautiful outside, what about the inside? It could either be a dream come true or a total disappointment.

I may be a little awkward when I look at you, but only because it is you. I always tell my friends how much I want you to wreck me in the bed and then I’d return the favor, but what I really know is to talk with you, spend time together, know what you dream about, your plans for the future, discover if you prefer books or movies, if you like to stay inside or travel the world. And then I’ll let you turn me inside out if you want, of course, and have another conversation while we recover, listen to some music, fool around, and have a second round, a third, fourth…

Anyway, this is just a long, weird way to say thank you. Thanks for making me dream, for making me feel alive with only your eyes, with a few words a day, for making me feel happier than I’ve been. I get jealous when I see someone else talking with you, and I wish you would do the same with me, but that’s another thing I’m thankful for because I can’t remember the last time I felt like this.

Faerydays: Is the Alder King a Seelie or Unseelie Fae?

Hello hello, pornies. How have you been these days? Hopefully, better than me. My health is still causing trouble and preventing me from keeping up with everything. However, as I said in my Instagram a few days ago, I was thinking about a new entry about the Alder King, and this time I was wondering about where he would fit, if in the Seelie Court or the Unseelie Court. 

Statue depicting the Erlking in the ancient graveyard of Dietenhausen, in Keltern, Germany. Source.

As always, if you are new to all this Alder King thing, here are the previous entries I've written about him:

• 1. Midnight Thoughts: A Queer Faery King?
• 2. Faeryday: Possible attributes of the Alder King?
• 3. Faerydays: An Esbat with the Alder King
• 4. Faeryday: Is the Alder King a child rapist/killer? + Bonus Videos
• 5. Faerydays: Why the Alder King?

Now, before anyone screams WTF at me, hear me out. I know the Seelñie and Unseelie Courts are a Scottish classification. Given the fact that the Alder King I write about is based on Goethe's poem, this would make him German, so he actually wouldn't belong to any of them. I would need to search for a German classification, and I'm sure there has to be one (if anyone knows, tell me as soon as possible!)

However, these two courts are very well known in pop culture, and could be the first kind of classification one may think about regarding the Fae. So I was asking myself if the Alder King would fit in any of their descriptions. To keep it simple, and to stay with current definitions, Morgan Daimler defines them as such in their A New Dictionary of Fairies: A 21st Century Exploration of Celtic and Related Western European Fairies, which I also reviewed here in the blog:

Seelie: One of the two main Courts of Fairy found in Lowland Scottish folklore, the Seelie court was likely originally a euphemism for all fairies and only later came to be seen as a distinct grouping of kindly inclined fairies. (...) The term seelie here is related directly and strongly to their temperament with Jamieson calling it the "pleasant or happy court, or the court of the pleasant and happy people" (...) The Seelie Court is usually considered to be more  en evolenty inclined towards humans and won't cause harm without a reason and warning.

Unseelie: In essence the word represents the opposite of its counterpart seelie, just as the fairies it describes are the opposite of the Seelie fairies. Generally it can be defined as a person who is unhappy, unfortunate, or unlucky and in the fairies the implication isn't that they are these things but that they bring these things with them. (...) Just as the Seelie Court are those most inclined to help humans without a reason the Unseelie Court are those who are most inclined to harm without a reason. 

At first glance, it looks like he would fit into the description of the Unseelie court. For feck's sake, he killed a child in his father's arms! We're not debating that. However, as I've said in the past, the Fae have a different moral compass and, thus, cannot be judged according to ours. However, the dialogues of the Alder King match the Seelie description.

He tempts the boy with dances, songs, games, flowers, and so on. Instead of simply snatching him from his dad's arms, His Majesty tries to make the boy go with Him willingly speaking of tempting wonders that should have worked wonderfully in any child.

What do we do with this? What does this mean? That the Alder King can indeed be an entity we could work with and that shouldn't be feared, at least not if we're willing to negotiate. This doesn't mean He is not dangerous, though, for all the fae should be treated with respect, even more if they are part of the royalty.

When feeling the Alder King's energy, I didn't feel threatened or in danger, quite the opposite, but I did feel He shouldn't be underestimated or His generosity taken for granted. I got the impression He likes people to earn their blessings and be honorable in the uses they give them, that He is willing to help you as long as you help Him do so.

Kinky regards, K!

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Manga: The Cat Proposed

Rise and shine, pornies. How is your week going? Mine started a little south, so to speak, yet I smiled a lot with a beautiful story that reflects many aspects of the nowadays so-called modern world. It is a romance that starts a little complicated, yet evolves into something beautiful that you can't not love: The Cat Proposed, by Dento Hayane. Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy!

• Print Length: 256 pages.
• Publisher: TokyoPop (February 23, 2021)
• Publication Date: February 23, 2021.
• Genres: Comedy, Gay, Fantasy, Romance, Yaoi. 
• Rating: 4 / 5

Matoi Souta is an overworked office worker tired of his life. Then, on his way home from a long day of work one day, he decides to watch a traditional Japanese play. But something strange happens. He could have sworn he saw one of the actors has cat ears.

It turns out that the man is actually a bakeneko — a shapeshifting cat from Japanese folklore. And then, the cat speaks: "From now on, you will be my mate."

I was a fan of neko drawings and art when I was in high school, a young baby otaku who identified with the sweet yet ferocious human-cat hybrids, so I was drawn to this manga almost instantly. The idea of fated mates was very unappealing, to be honest, but when I started reading it became clear that it wasn't the case. In fact, this is more similar to a Beauty and the Beast kind of story, where two people get into so much trouble that the best solution is to start a relationship.

Now, I have to say that this romance was complicated from the beginning. It looked like it was kind of abusive towards Souta, but the more I read the more I smiled and the more I wished my own Kihachi would find me. Their dynamic was just too sweet not to fall in love with them, not to mention the realness in it. It was sugar-coated but heartfelt, and while the extension may seem a little scary, it doesn't feel long at all. Kudos for that!

The only real complaint I have is that we didn't get much information about the bakenekos' world. There are bits and piece here and there, but nothing substantial that makes us understand how it works i a detailed way, or why it works like that. There is a chapter that explains how they come to be born, but other than that their society is a big mystery to me. 

Despite the lack of world-building, I would recommend this manga for anyone struggling with real life. I felt identified with Souta because of how he felt, his thoughts, his feelings, and wished things would be different, that there would be a cat being out of folklore tales, that makes everything much better. The Cat Proposed is one of those readings that will stay with you, and Dento Hayane's name will as well the next time I'm looking for a manga to read.

Kinky regards, K!

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Book review: Moon Spells for Beginners

Hello, pornies. Ready for the weekend? I hope you are in the mood for a good reading because I come with a recommendation. It took me some time to get this one done because of many health matters, but since I've felt much better these days I'm starting to come back, I want to tell you what a great reading I found in Moon Spells for Beginners: A Guide to Moon Magic, Lunar Phases, and Essential Spells & Rituals, by Michael Herkes. Thanks to the author for letting me know about the review copies and to the publisher for sending me one!

• Print Length: 181 pages.
• Publisher: Rockridge Press (September 14, 2021)
• Publication Date: September 14, 2021.
• Genres: Spellcraft, Moon, Magic, Witchcraft.
• Rating: 4 / 5 stars.

Discover the magic of the moon with spells for beginners

The moon holds an abundance of energy that witches have harnessed for centuries to manifest their hearts’ deepest desires. Now, modern spellcasters of all skill levels can access the moon’s power, with Moon Spells for Beginners. You’ll find guidance, rituals, and spells to tap into the moon’s cycles, cultivate prosperity, and transform your life.

This moon spells book can help you:

• Understand the moon—Explore the history, folklore, and science behind the moon and how it has been used throughout the ages as a source of magic.
• Learn spellcasting basics—Discover the fundamentals of casting spells, including what they are, their benefits, and how to perform them ethically.
• Make moon magic—Dive into spells, rituals, and meditations organized by each lunar phase to help you focus your energy and create change in your life, from letting go of the past to setting intentions for the future.

Unlock the combined power of lunar energy and witchcraft with this complete book of spells for beginners.

While the Moon is talked about in witchcraft very often, I couldn't pass the chance to read more about it and how a great author and witch works with it. I wanted to have an insight and some inspiration on what to do, know the ideas behind, and while it is not a deep book, it is very complete, a good option if you want to start working with the Moon in many ways.

With a good start that introduced the basics of witchcraft and gives you a good ground to base your practice on, you get many simple spells, meditations, and even potions (love them!) To make it even better, the book is not divided into the classical four lunar phases we all know, but into eight, detailing when one ends and the other starts.

Only critic? I felt there could have been a little longer, both in theory and practice. It certainly felt a shorter reading than it actually is since the spells are divided in eight different sections, but I would have still liked to have more information about how things work instead of, say, learning about some types of witches. I think it would be great for Michael to write a basic book on witchcraft, a complete introduction.

Other than that, I enjoyed reading this spellbook. I think Moon Spells for Beginners: A Guide to Moon Magic, Lunar Phases, and Essential Spells & Rituals is a good option if you want to recommend a book on lunar magic for beginners. In case you want to know more about the author and his work, I interviewed Michael Herkes some time ago reviewed The Complete Book of Moon Spells, Witchcraft for Daily Self-Care, and Love Spells for the Modern Witch here in the blog, and his first book, The GLAM Witch for HORNS Magazine.

About Michael Herkes:

Michael Herkes (Chicago), also known as “The Glam Witch”, has been a practicing modern witch for over 20 years. He is a devotee to the goddess Lilith and focuses his practice on crystals, glamour, love, moon, and sex magic. Michael is the author of The GLAM Witch, The Complete Book of Moon Spells, Witchcraft for Daily Self-Care, Love Spells for the Modern Witch, Moon Spells for Beginners, and is a contributing writer and graphic designer for Witch Way Magazine—a digital publication featuring curated articles about witch culture, craft, and daily life. Additionally, Michael hosts “Glam Fridays” on the Witch With Me IGTV channel @witch.with.tv, giving tips and tricks for magical makeovers. He is a professional tarot reader and nationwide speaker, having presented at festivals such as Gather the Witches, Hexfest, and WitchCon, in addition to being featured in an exhibit on display at the Buckland Museum of Witchcraft in Cleveland, Ohio. For more information and to follow Michael online visit www.theglamwitch.com.

Kinky regards, K!

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Manga Review: Vampire Dormitory Vol. 1

Hello pornies. ^^ I hope you are feeling well and in the mood for a curious manga that got me thinking a lot. I'm sure it will do the same to you! I'm talking about Vampire Dormitory Vol. 1, by Ema Toyama. Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy through NetGalley!

• Print Length: 160 pages.
• Publisher: Kodansha Comics (October 19, 2021).
• Publication Date: October 19, 2021.
• Genres: Comedy, Queer (Gay/Bisexual/Straight?), Scholar, 
• Rating: 4 / 5.

"I'll do it! I'll become your thrall!" A crossdressing girl and an otaku vampire find themselves entangled in a dangerous relationship. Don't miss this heart-pounding romance from the award-winning Ema Toyama, perfect for fans of Crimson Spell, Black Bird, and He's My Only Vampire!

BLOOD OVER FLOWERS

Mito has no family to rely on. She lives on the streets, disguised as a boy. Ruka is an otaku vampire interested only in 2D girls. After Ruka saves Mito from a perilous situation, he makes her an offer: "Become my subservient thrall and let me drink your blood whenever I wish! In return, you can live with me—in the boys' dorm!" But to stay with him, Mito must hide the fact that she's a girl. Every day is a new danger—to say nothing of that bloodthirsty vampire!

I need to be honest: I had serious doubts about his title and even asked myself if I would be the right kind of reader for it, but I decided to try new things and give it a try. Turns out I really liked it and found the idea interesting, and sometimes even hilarious. There's a lot of humor here, sometimes a little weird, but it's that kind of reading that will make you smile over and over again.

The relationship between Mito and Ruka starts a little rushed, but things slow down as the story progresses. I may say there's even a little influence of Beauty and the Beast in this story, but it has an identity of its own. What starts as a convenient relationship with some Stockholm Syndrome develops into a nice friendship with the potential for more, and don't even get me started on the gorgeous art! You just love it the moment you see it!

Now, I've read a lot of concerns about this manga: the thrall part seems to be a little exploitative, the unrealistic situations, and so on. I understand where all of this is coming from, why, and I kind of agree. However, my impression is that this manga parodies the tropes and cliches of vampire romances, maybe in not a very clear way, but after reading it twice (yeah, I promise) and paying close attention, that's what I think. The only real problem I have is Ren: is he supposed to be sexy? Because I would be creeped out if I were Mito.

I'm not sure if this would be a gay, bisexual, or straight love story, but I'm sure it is one I want to follow. I already read the first pages of Volume 2 and want to read it so bad! Ema Toyama took a lot of risks with Vampire Dormitory Vol. 1, but I can say it's a manga you enjoy to the fullest and will make you question many things about the characters. With such a large cast, I'm sure there will be many subplots to add flavor to the romance, and I can't wait for all this to unfold!

Have you read this manga? Would you recommend it or not? Let me know in the comments! Kinky regards, K!

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2021 in retrospective and plans for 2022

Hello and welcome, pornies. I'm so happy to be back! I can't say 2021 was my best year, I'm sure it wasn't yours either (but if it was good for you, I'm really happy! Hopefully this will be much better!) But that's the funny thing with years: you can always improve. I want to take a look at this year and share a few thoughts with you regarding those plans I had. I also looked at last year's retrospective and found a few new things.

Pixabay

I actually ended up learning A LOT about Apollo and Cernunnos, but so much about Horus, even less about Antinous, by reading Jason Mankey's The Horned God of the Witches, and many more Gods, male spirits, and even a few Goddesses. It was one of my favorite readings (would you like to know them all? Let me know ^^ Not sure why I haven't done it!) And prompted many good conversations with one of my friends.

What's the deal with Horus and Antinous? I gave the topic some thought and realized that I'm not genuinely interested in them, or in pantheons in general. I like them, I find the myths appealing, creative triggering, but nothing more than that. Rather than deities, I prefer to work with spirits, be it those of the dead, fae, animal spirits, or anything else. Doesn't mean I just cut all my relationships with deities (there are a few that would get REALLY angry, let me tell you), but that my focus has moved in this respect. I'm not sure how to feel about it or interpret it, so if you do, let me know.

Although it wasn't one of the plans I had, I've been feeling I'm much better at necromancy. I didn't read a lot about the dead, about funerals, but I feel a stronger connection to my roots, to my dead, both beloved and mighty. I feel less alone and more in tune with them. The few times I did necromancy during2021, it was easier than before, it took less time to connect, to bid them farewell, and so on.

I wrote only once about the Alder King this year, but my practice and connection with him are much better as well. I've been thinking about this a lot, and far from wanting to write more often (although I'm happy to know two particular people I admire find those entries interesting-OMG!) I want to get even better, include him more often, and develop a solid practice with His Majesty.

The only thing I didn't manage to do was develop better psychic abilities. My divination sessions are great, but I still rely on them. I know it's not a bad thing, and I know 2021 wasn't a particularly easy year for me, so I want to make it up for it. I'm open to the possibility of not rereading Mat Auryn's book (not likely, because I really like it), but finding another book that resonates more with me. Who knows. I feel the same about exploring my sexuality in my craft, by the way.

Finally. I want to be more than a reviewer. I enjoy books, I love them, they mean a lot to me, but I've been blogging (as Kyler) for four years already (wow, I didn't realize this), but I want to start writing about myself more often and not so much about others. A few months ago, speaking with a cousin, I told him that I meditate by writing, which I never totally forgot. That's what I do, what I love, what i want to do for a living, and that's also how I learn more about myself.

As for the plans... I don't want to create any expectations for myself. I often ignore them because I find this and that. However, I do want to know more about everything. I want to keep learning, go beyond the basics. I've never been a fan of practice books, but I love theory. Those that explain how things work and the background, the history, the development of certain topics and techniques? I devour them in no time. There's one basic topic that has escaped me, however. Herbs.

I'm great at divination, sigils, stones, raising energy, but I know close to nothing about herbology. After chatting with a certain elder, he mentioned he was as disenchanted with the healthcare system as I am, and started learning about herbs and plants because of it. I'm not sure I'll enroll in a course or any kind of formation, but the few times I've used them to make teas I've gotten great results, I do want to know more about them and how to use them.

The last thing I can think about is the divination and bibliomancy readings I've been doing on Instagram. I enjoy it a lot, but I also need to pay the bills. At some point this year I'll be able to run a place where my identity remains safe and helps me in this regard. I've had a bittersweet relationship with money for a long time, and I want this to finally change.

So, to summarize:

• Develop better psychic abilities.
• Include my sexuality in my craft.
• Write more about me and my thoughts.
• Learn new things, stay away from basic books.
• Learn more about herbs and plants.
• Start an independent business.

What do you think? If you think there's something else I may need to add to the list, or there's a topic I forgot about and you know I like, let me know and I'll add it so I don't forget it.

Kinky regards, K!

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