Hi, pornies. I hope you are okay and have been as well.
I wanted to get back to you today because I've been really absent and I missed this place. I missed this persona, I missed its home, its message, and (basically) everything related to it. I've been dealing with so many things that it's been impossible to stay alive as Kyler. I've been way too busy with real life problems, serious, draining ones.
Although I've always been very secretive regarding my real life, I feel comfortable enough to say that I was dealing with my health, both physical and mental. I still am, and taking care of my family because we're in a very delicate situation that could last for years. There is no immediate solution, but the good thing is that none of us is in imminent danger. We will if we don't take care, I'm already paying the consequences, and I'm doing my best to prevent this from happening to my family as well.
What does this have to do with KBW? Everything, every single bit of it.
I'm not alone in this, I'm not the only one doing the math and keeping both eyes on numbers, but I have a lot responsibility in my shoulders. Not all of it, but a big part. It has affected my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health, affected my craft, sense of worth, self-esteem, and made me feel awful more than once because I can't stand the thought of someone else being needy and not doing nothing.
Thankfully, things are improving once again. It will take time, maybe a whole year, for everything to settle down, we don't know for sure, but I can finally breathe and think clearly in what to do. I've been reacting, rescheduling, replanning, in and out of clinics and hospitals (I was in one this Saturday), and I'm tired. Really. Tired. I couldn't even meditate at all for months, and just started doing it again this Sunday because I couldn't take it anymore.
I became a witch for a reason. I wanted to help people, and I see myself as a witch as a healer and diviner. However, there's only so much I can take, and I almost reached my limit. Lucky me, it was when I could take a break to plan and recover. The worst is far from over, but I feel better, more confident, hopeful, and know I have the tools to take care of it all.
Thank you for always being here, for all your support, and kind messages when I've needed them. I know this is not the entry you expected after a long time, but I felt I owed as much sincerity as I could share, so here it is. I may not post every single day as before, but you'll se me more often here than before. Being Kyler helps me, and I hope it helps someone else as well.
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