I think it's common to have these as you go on with life, but I wasn't expecting another one after just two years.
I've been going back and forth with the idea of completely coming out and saying, "Hey there, this is me. Nice to meet you." And there has been this desire to wipe this blog about some of the content because I feel it doesn't represent me anymore. I've asked myself why.
And I think I got the answer.
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| "if I'm not the same Kyler I was before, does it mean I outgrew this persona?" Image by Mikayla Beske from Pixabay. |
I started this persona; I allowed Kyler to be born from a place of immaturity. I had a complicated relationship with my sexual orientation, with my identity, and so I just wanted to have fun. Although my first entry was when I was 23 years old, it feels like I actually started doing it when I was 18. A part of me was stuck in that time of my life, so being Kyler helped it catch up with my actual self.
Then the question is, if I'm not the same Kyler I was before, does it mean I outgrew this persona?
There's a part of myself saying that I did, and another saying that it's no different from what I've done in real life with my legal name. I struggle to say "real name" because who's to say that Kyler is not real? Who's to say that what I've done as this persona is not real, that what I've healed and worked on is not real?
Storm Faerywold wrote a whole book about names, a book which now has an expanded and revised edition. A book that I have pending for review and that I've been wanting to get to.
Maybe I'll do it and figure myself out a little more.
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