Who was Bobby Griffith?

Movie poster of "Prayers for Bobby"

Hello guys. This time I don't come with a happy subject. This was something I never seriously thought about until today.
Not long ago, I read Storm Faerywolf's incredible article about Matthew Shepard, who was brutally beaten, tortured, and left to die near Laramie on the night of October 6, 1998, just because he was gay. Despite he was foud alive the next day, he died six days later from severe head injuries.
Reading Storm's article moved me, yet I couldn't find a place for Matthew to be part of my spirituality, or felt a connection as strong as Storm's with him. I didn't give it much importance in that moment, simply acknowledged his importance as a gay icon and his impact on the USA in LGBT+-matters.
However, I just rewatched Prayers for Bobby, a movie about a Christian, homophobic mother who deals with the suicide of her gay son, the son she tried to save from Hell, the son she couldn't accept as he was, and the son that inspired me to write this post. But who was Bobby Griffith?

Before you echo Amen in your home or place of worship, think and remember. A Child is listening.

Mary Griffith.

Prayers that killed
Robert Warren “Bobby” Griffith was born on June 24, 1963, and died on August 27, 1983. He killed himself. Bobby was gay, and his mother couldn't, and wouldn't, have a gay son. Mary Griffith was a Christian woman, a Christian wife and a Christian mother. And the Bible condemned homosexuality.

Robert Warren “Bobby” Griffith
(1963-1983)

Bobby lived in a time when homosexuality was an abomination, a sickness and a crime. He was constantly told that gay men were a threat for the very fabric of society, and grew up hearing his mother lashing out negative and hurtful comments towards homosexuals like him.
Bobby wanted to be a writer, he wanted to inspire people, he wanted to leave a mark and help others the way he should have been helped, but first he had to deal with the demons of Christianity. He wanted to be loved and accepted by his Christian family and retain the lovely home in which he lived all his life. This would be imposible.
His mother, Mary Griffith, was sure about her son's fate: he would be thrown in Hell, and so did everythign she could to "save" him from sin, from the Devil, from homosexuality. hoping he would repent and make the right choice. She always prayed to God to kill the sin.
The fears that filled his head forced Bobby to drop out of school two months before graduation. There were others that knew there was something different in him, a quiet guy who was always reading and writing, and so he was a victim of bullying. Bobby found refuge and acceptance in Oregon, his sense of guilt and self-rejection grew for eight months, after which he visited his family for the last time.
Back in Oregon, the lack of acceptance, the confussion, rejection, depression and fears consumned Bobby's body, mind and soul, until he couldn't find any other way to get out of his misery than ending his own life. He was just 20 years old.
However, his death turned a homophobic woman into a tireless activist for LGBT+ rights. Mary Griffith, his mother, changed after such a loss, researched and went deeper in her knowledge about homosexuality, religion and their impacts in one another, and worked hard for the next queer generations, for the other Bobbys that could be out there.

I would constantly say, ‘Bobby, you can change if you want to.’ That’s a horrible thing to do to a child. I just thought he wasn’t trying hard enough. Mary Griffith.

I lived it

The book that inspired the movie.

Why am I moved by Bobby's story? Because I lived it. I have always being quiet, shy, interested in things the other boys were not. While they played sports and dances, I'd rather read and play on my PC. While others thought about girls, I thought about girls and boys, and it scared me to death to think about letting others know about that.
My family is also very traditional. Although they are not Christians, they do not accept anything different to heterosexuality as correct or normal. I grew up like Bobby, listening to my parents talk about gay people, knowing they were talking about me not knowing it, and wondered if they would remain the same if they ever realized I was bisexual. Turns out, when they knew, they did.
I was confused, scared, terrified, sick of myself, and thought about suicide. I was ready to do it, I was about to jump to death like Bobby, and this was before knowing about the film, but I fought back as hard as I could, I took strenght from there was none, and faced my demons. Bobby couldn't do that, and there are more guys like him around the globe who cannot do that.
When I read about Matthew, I didn't resonate with him or his story, I felt sorry for him, for his family, but watching Bobby's made me remember those days when I was younger, insecure, afraid of my own body, my own family, hating myself for what I was and thinking about giving up, about the day I was about to end it all. I wasn't even 20 years old.

Bobby as an Ancestor
I do not have the background and understanding of others, I've never had visions of Bobby or received messages from him of any kind. My talents cannot go that far, not yet. And still, I see Bobby as a martyr, a guide for those who have lived what he lived, those who shared his fears, guilt and shame, those who thought they didn't deserve to live and took the blame upon themselves.
Bobby could be a guardian, a guide, a teacher, a saint, whatever you want to call him, but for me, Bobby is part of my LGBT+ Ancestors. I resomate with his story, with his life, with what he went through, and is someone I want to remember and honor. The Face of Guilt and Shame become the Face of Cleansing and Transformation. Despite he was dead, he changed his mother, he inspired her and made her a powerful ally to us. He cleaned her shame.
Bobby's story inspired Leroy F. Aarons to write his book Prayers for Bobby: A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son, the book in which was based the movie. For those who want to know a bit more about Bobby, you can read The Times of Bobby Griffith: Homosexuality at Las Lomas, Past and Present, by Joshua Kors. As for me, I decided to write a poem. Feel free to use it as a prayer, a chant, a spell, a meditation, or anything you want, but use it and remember. He was just 20 years old.

Mighty Griffin

Mighty Griffin that now flies free,
You whose light can clean all fear,
In storms you came and in storms you fell,
Yet you cross the sky once again.

Mighty Griffin that fell from grace,
Protect this chain that has your name,
Send your scream across the tides,
Send your strenght across the lands.

Mighty Griffin that cried in shame,
You who bore the face of pain,
Shine your light and lead the way,
The way to heaven and out of hell.

Mighty Griffin, dear, old friend,
We didn't meet when you came and left,
Yet in our hearts you will remain,
Free of shame and free of pain.