Hey there, pornies. Hope you're ready for the weekend! I've had an interesting week for sure, and I've been thinking about this entry a lot because of what it means in my Alder King series. Talking with a friend, he told me something I had thought about now and then but never seriously paid much attention to: that the Alder King could be a negative influence in my life. In short, he has been, but not as we first thought.
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If you're new to my Alder King posts, here are the previous entries I've written about him:
- 1. Midnight Thoughts: A Queer Faery King?
- 2. Faeryday: Possible attributes of the Alder King?
- 3. Faerydays: An Esbat with the Alder King
- 4. Faeryday: Is the Alder King a child rapist/killer? + Bonus Videos
- 5. Faerydays: Why the Alder King?
- 6. Faerydays: Is the Alder King a Seelie or Unseelie Fae?
- 7. Faerydays: Visiting the Alder King for the First Time
It has never been a secret here that my love life has been frustratingly non existing, that I've been an emotional wreck for a long while, and I need to crawl back to my feet over and over again. While it is true that I had a difficult childhood and adolescence (11 years straight of being bullied, for starters), talking with this friend he asked me if I knew about mortals in relationships with spirits and deities, and finally told me that I was in a relationship with the Alder King.
At first I thought it was impossible because what could I have done to get his attention? Moreover, I neglected my work with him more than once. He surely couldn't be that interested. Well, nope. As my friend told me, what did the boy in the original poem do to get his attention? Nothing. And he still died.
I got angry right away. Furious. If it was true, then... had I been wasting all this time and effort? Had I just jumped to a toxic relationship just for the sake of working with a Fae King? I'm a pacifist, abhor confrontation, makes me nervous every time, and respect the Fae a lot, but this was too much for me.
That same day I sat down in my altar and felt someone with me, an otherworldly kind of someone and not very happy. I quickly called the deities I work with, Aradia and Cernunnos among them, my angels, guardians, ancestors, power animals, and masters, told them to protect me from whoever or whatever would try to influence me at that time when my mind wandered a bit, and finished calling all my people. I basically called the whole damn army and felt the change around me and inside me.
You can say we had a chat, the King and I. In short, he was maximizing my feelings of loss, sadness, desperation, all those negative traits, to boost my creativity. There was a part of me that thought something like what will I write about if I'm not sad anymore? Some of you know that I write, draw, and tried to sing (I still do it when I'm alone), mainly to express things I can't otherwise. What was happening was that the Alder King made all those things my focus so I would stay creative.
What happened after that was a bit curious. I'm not confident about my poetry, but then it was so easy to tell him what I thought and would not accept at all while working with him, always in verse. Some parts came so easily it even surprised me afterwards, always being very careful with my words and knowing I was so not alone in that discussion. I could even visualize him inside a circle with me, both of us surrounded by my people.
In the end, I told him I would still work with him, but if he ever messed up with my heart or mind the way he had done until then, even in the slightest way, I wouldn't blink an eye to leave him behind. I had come easily to him, but I would leave just like that if I had to. Taking a few minutes to calm down after that, I could see the difference already. In fact, I still do, because I don't feel as bad as before, and there's something inside me that feels different.
Now that I think about it, I've never dealt with a spirit like this one, an entity that could affect me this much, and if there's something I learned from the whole experience is that I will never again doubt my intuition, ever, and consult with my people before jumping into working with another spirit. Also, it may be the last entry I write about the Alder King. There are a few more things I want to do and try, although I won't abandon him in the foreseeable future. Most likely, I will switch to Medusa, but will write about the Fae now and then.
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