Review: Bisexual Men Exist

I've seen so much content about bisexuality that I got excited when I saw Bisexual Men Exist: A Handbook for Bisexual, Pansexual and M-Spec Men, by Vaneet Mehta, in the library. Although not my favorite reading, I can see it as a useful one for those who want to know more about us, and that can serve as a starting point for future books.

• Print Length: 256 pages.
• Publisher: January 19, 2023, by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
• Publication Date: January 19, 2023.
• Topics: Non-fiction, bisexuality, research, sexuality.
• Rating: 3 / 5 stars.

"You're just being greedy."

"Are you sure you're not gay?"

"Pick a side." Being a bisexual man isn't easy - something Vaneet Mehta knows all too well. After spending more than a decade figuring out his identity, Vaneet's coming out was met with questioning, ridicule and erasure. This experience inspired Vaneet to create the viral #BisexualMenExist campaign, combatting the hate and scepticism m-spec (multi-gender attracted spectrum) men encounter, and helping others who felt similarly alone and trapped. This powerful book is an extension of that fight. Navigating a range of topics, including coming out, dating, relationships and health, Vaneet shares his own lived experience as well as personal stories from others in the community to help validate and uplift other bisexual men. Discussing the treatment of m-spec men in LGBTQ+ places, breaking down stereotypes and highlighting the importance of representation and education, this empowering book is a rallying call for m-spec men everywhere.

You can imagine how excited I was when I found this book. I liked the idea and the approach, and it seemed even better the fact that there's a lot of research in here. It was great to see that some of my experiences are backed by science, that there's more people who went through what I did. It gives you some sense of community knowing you're not alone.

However, there's a big problem in this book: it cannot be more depressing that it already is. I struggled to finish it because it was just a never-ending list of problems, issues, trauma, and obstacles faced by bisexual men. This would have been fine if the author offered more possible solutions, but he did not. It was over and over again a list of negativity followed by something along the lines of "we need more positive representation".

I think that, as a first approach, it is useful in some ways and can help others see what happens in our lives as bi men, even though the book includes other people who do not identify as men at all. It can also work as an insight into bisexuality in general, because several of the issues, especially in the second half, are not exclusive to bisexual men. As a final note, I couldn't relate to much of the book because I had positive experiences as a bisexual man, and there's hardly any inclusion of this in it.

While the research could have been better and the content more polished, it's a good option if you want to know more about bisexuals' experiences, a bit more focused on men. It makes you put things into perspective, but I would strongly recommend taking it easy with it so you don't get overwhelmed by depression.

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Book Review: (he)art

I read this book when I needed it. I was in a dark place, a dangerous, unstable state of mind, but I was able to get lost in these pages, savor each line, and feel I got the words to describe many things. I felt seen, understood, and at peace. If it sounds more like a praise, it's because (he)art, by Zane Frederick, deserves it.

• Print Length: 150 pages.
• Publisher: Self-Published (January 28, 2018).
• Publication Date: January 28, 2018.
• Topics: Homosexuality, Romance, Depression, Mental Health.
• Rating: 5 / 5 stars.

Coated in petty heartache, (he)art. is a reflection on the what ifs, the almosts, and every blown dandelion wish. This work confesses the words never said; the naiveté of a first love, the echoing absence of what could have been, and the awareness of self-significance. Written from a LGBTQ perspective, this collection is pertinent for any member to confide in. It also explores the self-discovery in sexuality and the bravery of coming out, even in fear. Divided into three separate parts, each chapter displaying how the heart acts during different emotional moments in life. This book is best read in a bookstore, cafe, or in the comfort of your home.

This is a book that doesn't hold back. There's a simplicity in how Frederick writes that isn't always seen, so organic and natural that it feels as if he's there talking with you, baring his heart and soul open without fear of judgement. However, it's impossible to judge or give him any hatred because of the beauty in all of his lines.

There are different stiles in his book, but for me the best poems were the short ones. In just a few lines, I got the words to describe what I was feeling in that moment. I saw myself in all of the pages, going deeper and deeper into myself as I also got to understand the author in an intimate way. Ironically, it never felt as if he shared too much, but just the right amount of honesty.

I do feel that there were some ups and downs in some poems. Being a debut, some of the lines weren't as polished as I think they could have been. While in some cases that rawness to them served the purpose, sometimes it broke the fluency of the reading. I think that would be my only complain.

In general, this is a book to savor, to feel, with ink that goes inside your veins to make your heart beat one more time after being comatose for so long. For me, it was a healing experience, similar to daydreaming and remembering what once was and what could never be. As a queer man, I could relate to it all, but I would expect a straight person to also react to this book.

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Manga: UNDEAD Series

Would it be weird if I say that I've wanted to read a zombie love story? Because I've been wanting that kind of story, with blood, guts, and love. Enter UNDEAD: Finding Love in the Zombie Apocalypse, by Fumi Tsuyuhisa. Not only it's what I wanted, but also very entertaining! Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy!

• Mangaka: Fumi Tsuyuhisa.
• Publication: 2023
• Publisher: TokyoPop.
• Print Length: 2 volumes.
• Genres: Drama, Gay, Horror, Romance, Yaoi.
• 4 / 5 stars.
• Synopsis of the first volume:

Which will you find in this devastated world — love or despair?

Nineteen-year-old Hikaru Asahina lost everything the day the world ended. Everything, that is, except his childhood friend Ai Kosaka, who has always taken care of him. Now the two of them, along with other survivors, struggle to stay alive in a post-apocalyptic world filled with man-eating zombies.

And when Ai confesses to feeling something more for Hikaru, it changes everything. After all, the more precious someone is to you, the harder it is to lose them. In a world like theirs, is something like love even possible?

Although the story is not the most original one, there are several tropes of the Z genre that the creator knew how to use in favor of the world-building, which is still simple, not too elaborate, but attractive. The characters, while also following a traditional structure in the yaoi genre, are more than what meets the surface.

What I liked the most about this series is the script. The story evolves in no time, showing the characters in different, complicated situations, taking them out of their comfort zone so they can grow as someone would do in that scenario (or so I think). There's a lot of emotion, inner turmoil, and conflicting feelings, that make the reading even better, faster, and immersive.

I would say that the second was a bit problematic for me, mostly due to a very specific rape scene that made me feel uneasy. I feel it could have been better worked, not so graphic, or at least with more realistic consequences. It was just another element in a love story that didn't impact it in a real way besides the shock value.

However, it's easy to enjoy. Times passed me by as I devoured page after page. The art is great as well, not as delicate as I usually enjoy, but because the story needs it to be so, so it's fitting, very well-done. I would recommend it to those who want a different love story, enjoy elements of horror, and, of course, like a dose those of good ol' zombies.

Kinky regards, K!

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Manga: Bergamot & Sunny Day

There's a manga that you guys need to read as soon as possible. It's one that I didn't expect to like THIS  much, and it's because of many things, many factors, and many pages that made me smile over and over and over again. Yes, I'm hyped. And yes, it deserves it! I'm just gonna say that we need more stories like Bergamot & Sunny Day, by Lyee Kitahala. Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy!

• Print Length: 210 pages.
• Publisher: TOKYOPOP (March 28, 2022)
• Expected Publication Date: March 28, 2022.
• Genres: Romance, Drama, Gay.
• Rating: 5 / 5 stars.

Café worker Riku has just been dumped... again. Despite always giving relationships his all, Riku can't seem to ever make it past the three-month milestone in any relationship. And then there's Josh, the handsome, wealthy owner of the café who seems to have it all together. When Riku wakes up in Josh's bed after what he can only assume is a consolation rebound, Josh shockingly suggests continuing a no-strings-attached fling. 

Fooling around with a rich man... will they drink champagne in a jacuzzi? Riku has no idea, but he's not going to turn it down!

This therapeutic BL features the ideal man who will pamper and spoil his love!

Where do I begin? This manga was everything! It's wholesome as you can't imagine, so sweet and beautiful with two well-done characters that get into your heart in no time. I liked how things developed, so simply and naturally, Riku's and Josh's feelings for each other developed into something solid and realistic. It was great!

I can't complain about the art, either. It is so clean, smooth, and versatile that it's impossible not to enjoy it and get lost staring at some of the panels. The script was already solid and worked on its own, but the art took it to a different level to make it more atmospheric and immersive. It was an experience, in short.

Now, my favorite part of it was how they addressed the age gap between both characters. There were some conversations and some scenes, obviously, but there wasn't any major, memorable difference regarding, which was a key element for me. There's such a huge sexualization and fetishism about these kind of relationships that I loved how this one was portrayed.

Basically, do yourselves a favor and read this thing. It's sweet, it's cute, it's wholesome, and will keep you smiling from beginning to end. Contrary to my usual complaints, this manga works amazingly good as a strand-alone, it's part of its charm that it's a single volume, and I think anything remotely different would have been unnecessary. Just... #ChefKiss

Kinky regards, K!

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Book Review: Boyslut

This year has tried to kill me over and over again. And I've survived with one book at a time. I've been curious about this one for a long time, and I've wanted to prioritize books with bisexual representation for just as long. Boyslut, by Zachary Zane, has one hell of a journey with several topics, different experiences, and a lot of healing. A must-read for bi+ readers!

• 
  Print Length: 240 pages.
• Publisher: Harry N. Abrams (May 9, 2023)
• Expected Publication Date: May 9, 2023.
• Topics: Sexuality, Bisexuality, Mental Health, Polyamory.
• Rating: 4 / 5 stars.

“Zachary Zane is one of the best sex writers working today.” —Dan Savage, New York Times bestselling author

Named a Most Anticipated LGBTQ+ Book of the Year by Buzzfeed

A sex and relationship columnist bares it all in a series of essays—part memoir, part manifesto—that explore the author’s coming-of-age and coming out as a bisexual man and move toward embracing and celebrating sex unencumbered by shame.

As a boy, Zachary Zane sensed that all was not right when images of his therapist naked popped into his head. Without an explanation as to why, a deep sense of shame pervaded these thoughts. Though his therapist assured him a little imagination was nothing to be ashamed of, over the years, society told him otherwise.

Boyslut is a series of personal and tantalizing essays that articulate how our society still shames people for the sex that they have and the sexualities that they inhabit. Through the lens of his bisexuality and much self-described sluttiness, Zane breaks down exactly how this sexual shame negatively impacts the sex and relationships in our lives, and through personal experience, shares how we can unlearn the harmful, entrenched messages that society imparts to us.

From stories of drug-fueled threesomes and risqué Grindr hookups to insights on dealing with rejection and living with his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s wife, Boyslut is reassuring and often painfully funny—but is most potently a testimony that we can all learn to live healthier lives unburdened by stigma.

This book was a big surprise for me. I admit that I was a bit biased and didn't expect it to be so educational. Of course there was going to be a lot of sex, steamy details, kinks, first-time experiences, and so on. I expected all those emotions, the trauma, the identity issues... But didn't think I'd consider this a good resource for others to learn about bisexuality.

Although Zachary doesn't hold back while telling his experiences and ideas, he never, not even once, pushes them into the reader. He's always careful about this, making the observation that the reader doesn't have to think or behave or like the same things as he does, but that he shares in order to help others see what he learned from each experience.

I also admit all the sexual content started to have the opposite effect on me. I wanted to know more about the author's feelings, thoughts, his experiences outside of the bed, and while it is true that one of his points is to combat sexual shame, I personally would have preferred the sex to be a bit secondary in one or two chapters because I lost a bit of interest at some point.

All in all, however, it was a great reading that speaks openly about the struggles surrounding bisexuality, mental health issues, misconceptions, and the process of coming into terms with who you are and who you want to be (with). I can say that it was healing, powerful, and entertaining. I laughed several times at the authors comments, but also found the words for things I couldn't explain. Just wonderful.

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Book Review: The Witching Year

There are books you didn't know you needed until you read them. Books that take you back in time to remind you who you are, were, where you come from, so you can stay loyal to yourself. Books that feel like a conversation with a good friend that doesn't hold back when honest. Books like The Witching Year: A Memoir of Earnest Fumbling Through Modern Witchcraft, by Diana Helmuth. Thanks to the publisher for the review copy!

• Print Length: 352 pages.
• Publisher: S&S/Simon Element (October 3, 2023).
• Expected Publication Date: October 3, 2023.
• Topics: Religion, Mental Health, Witchcraft.
• Rating: 4 / 5 stars.

A skeptic’s year-long quest to find spiritual fulfillment through modern Witchcraft, perfect for fans of A.J. Jacobs and Mary Roach.

Diana Helmuth, thirty-three, is skeptical of organized religion. She is also skeptical of disorganized religion. But, more than anything, she is tired of God being dead. So, she decides to try on the fastest growing, self-directed faith in Witchcraft.

The result is 366 days of observation, trial, error, wit, and back spasms. Witches today are often presented as confident and finished, proud and powerful. Diana is eager to join them. She wants to follow all the rules, memorize all the incantations, and read all the liturgy. But there’s one glaring problem: no Witch can agree on what the right rules, liturgy, and incantations are.

As with life, Diana will have to define the craft for herself, looking past the fashionable and figuring out how to define the real. Along the way, she travels to Salem and Edinburgh (two very Crafty hubs) and attends a week-long (clothing optional) Witch camp in Northern California. Whether she’s trying to perform a full moon ritual on a cardboard box, summon an ancient demon with scotch tape and a kitchen trivet, or just trying to become a calmer, happier person, her biggest question Will any of this really work?

The Witching Year follows in the footsteps of celebrated memoirs by journalists like A.J. Jacobs, Mary Roach, and Caitlin Doughty, who knit humor and reportage together in search of something worth believing.

I had to give this book a try as soon as I read the synopsis. There was something natural, human, so genuine about it that it captivated me. I was hooked from page one. I knew it would become addictive, obsessive, although not unhealthy. It was a book that intoxicated me in a way I cannot explain. Diana has a simple, yet elegant, yet casual way with words that charms you like the best of spells.

The more I read, the more I remembered my early days as a Witch when I started practicing during my adolescence. It's a valuable journal that shows the reality of what learning witchcraft on your own is like, what it feels like, and how complicated things can be. As a practicing Witch for some time, it was a reading that humbled me, reminding me of my origins.

It did bother me that there are some big time gaps instead of a day by day recount, however. There were spaces that could be even 5 days or more, and I can only wonder what happened during them. I know this might be because there wasn't any worth telling, but the mystery was a double-edged sword I'm not entirely sure worked for me.

All in all, it's a book that shows how diverse, heterogenous, contradictory, complicated, yet fulfilling Witchcraft can be. I wouldn't classify this book as queer, but more as a showcase of diversity in different ways: genders, races, identities, backgrounds, sexualities, and so on. It's a honest recount of what starting this path is like for most of us, yet gives many teachings that many would benefit from.

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Manga: Sating the Wolf

OMG. Guys, you don't know how bad you need to read this manga! I gave it a quick look before going to sleep last night I couldn't stop until I finished it! It's Sating the Wolf, by Troy Arukuno. Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy!

• Mangaka: Troy Arukuno.
• Publication Date: 21st July 2023.
• Publisher: TokyoPop.
• Print Length: 192 pages.
• Genres: Adult, Comedy, Fantasy, Gay, Omegaverse, Romance, Yaoi.
• 5 / 5 stars.

Noah, a wolf with no family, was banished from his beloved pack after presenting as an Omega. While wandering alone in a village of herbivores, he meets Henri, a rabbit who lives alone with his little brothers. In a town where carnivores are feared, Henri bravely takes Noah in and offers him a job. When Noah accidentally goes into heat, it suddenly awakens Henri's Alpha instincts.

Will a world divided between carnivores and herbivores accept the relationship between a little Alpha rabbit and a big Omega wolf?

This book contains explicit sexual content. It is not intended for anyone under 18 years of age.

Just the synopsis is good enough, and I will not listen if you want to tell me otherwise. What's interesting about the omegaverse genre is that it often plays with the issue of consent to create drama and tension in the relationship; a few of them try to romanticize it as a form of "acceptable" abuse, but this is the whole opposite.

We see Noah's inner struggle, his insecurities, his fear and trauma due to his rare condition, the way he feels because of being rejected as an abnormal member of the pack that raised him yet easily discarded him as if it didn't matter. You can say he's by far my favorite character, because not only he fights his inner struggles, but also his own body.

Henri's is another character I fell in love with due to how sweet and understanding he is whenever necessary. He's the one that makes communication as a form of support a must in this relationship, letting Noah feel safe and leading him on a path of acceptance. Not to mention, a twink top? Yes please! It's something I haven't seen in... forever? It challenges the expectations on yaoi and gay media, and we so need more of that!

Sating the Wolf is a manga that plays with social expectations, what's accepted and not, but also shows body shaming, self-image, and inner homophobia under a different light to let the readers know that it's okay to fill whichever "box" they might be in as long as it makes them happy: it doesn't matter what you might look outside, but what's inside of you.

Kinky regards, K!

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Bisexual, Polysexual, Pansexual...?

I've read about the Bi Umbrella for a long time, and I was okay with it, even if I didn't fully understand it. However, thinking about all those identities made me feel uncomfortable because I didn't have the difference as clear as I would have liked. It also made me wonder if I was bisexual or if I was something else entirely. Enter a quick existential crisis.

I felt like that little fella in there. I was definitely under the umbrella, but was I in the right position? His face is priceless. Photo by Ivan Babydov.

However, I do want to make it clear that I haven't had contact with people of all of these orientations, so this is just the perceptions I've gotten, so any constructive feedback is always welcome (and encouraged if the language I'm using is not the best/problematic). Basically, they are my first impressions and a writing exercise to understand my identity in a better way.

When I did a quick search, I saw this:

• Bisexual people are attracted to any number of genders that's more than two, historically associated to attraction to men and women.
• Polysexual people are attracted to more than one gender, usually including non-binary identities.
• Omnisexual people are attracted to all genders.
• Pansexual people are attracted to all genders, usually regardless of their gender or without preference.

With all of those definitions, I found it confusing at first. Labeling myself as bisexual has become a big part of my identity and who I am, so the possibility of changing it because I might be mistaken... it was uncomfortable, not to mention scary.

However, I gave it some thought, and I wanted to share this because I think it might be useful for those trying to understand the differences whether to understand us or understand where they are in this umbrella.

Being bisexual for me means that I have a preference, romantic and/or sexual, towards men and women. It doesn't deny that I might feel attracted to non-binary people, just that there's a tendency, a preference, if you will.

Polysexual would be, then a bisexual who also feels the same way regarding binary and non-binary genders. They might have a preference regarding which one is more attractive, but those three would be the ones that get the most attention.

Omnisexual would be someone who feels attracted to anyone of any gender. No matter the preferences, they might feel attraction to anyone of any gender. Pansexual, however, would be the attraction regardless of gender; as in, there might be a preference, but gender doesn't play such an important role in their attraction.

Considering this, I decided that I'm still bisexual because, even if I can feel attraction to non-binary identities, even if I can pay not too much attention to gender, I still feel a strong attraction to men and women, regardless of if they are cisgender or transgender. I used to say that I was bisexual with some pansexual inclination, but doing this gave me the clarification I needed.

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Manga: Delivery for You!

I recently got a manga that I kept thinking about since I saw it for the first time. I already knew I'd love it because it's from Tokyopop, but I wanted to be fair and stay unbiased. And I made a fool out of myself, because of course I loved it. I'm speaking about Delivery for You!, by Teku Rin.

• Mangaka: Teku Rin.
• Publication Date: June 27, 2023.
• Publisher: TokyoPop.
• Print Length: 197 pages.
• Genres: Comedy, Gay, Romance, Yaoi.
• 4 / 5 stars.

Izumi Fukuya is 27 and single. His hobbies are collecting figures and gaming, and 99% of his shopping is done online. He is truly a homebody. Izumi's current fascination is with sexy delivery driver Tsuchiya! With his manly physique and warm smile, the days when he shows up are sure to be radiant. In the hopes of a rendezvous beyond his doorstop, Izumi spends day after day ordering otaku merch as an excuse to see Tsuchiya. This isn't a forbidden love... rather one man's crush on a cool, heroic guy!

This is such a cute story that I need a print copy as soon as possible! I wasn't sure about what to expect when it came to a manga that focused on humor, expectations, and even reminded me of my past self when I was obsessed with anime and manga (although I am still, as you might guess), it's a tale of love, humor, and deceptive appearances.

Also, the art matches the tone perfectly. The script is simple, but filled with those typical scenes we all love with some twists here and there. It's the perfect kind of reading that makes you daydream about what could happen next while also reminding that not everything is what it seems at first sight; I admit it surprised me more than once.

It's true that that second story at the end was a kind of strange addition. It would have worked wonderfully as a longer story, leaving more room for development of the main story. They are both enjoyable, but I feel they each deserved their own space to shine as they deserved.

With a unusual setting based on daydreaming scenarios every manga lover and otaku kid might have pictured ages ago, Delivery for You! is a story that satisfied both my inner kid and my adult self. It's beautiful, it's funny, it made me smile and laugh. It's the perfect pick for when you want something simple yet wholesome that adds light to your day. What's not to love?

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Manga: My Dear Agent Series

I wasn't expecting to like this series so much since it doesn't have any fantasy, but I couldn't stop reading, smiling, daydreaming, and hoping these guys would get their happily ever after at some point. Also, the art is so gorgeous! I'm talking about My Dear Agent, by Ebino Bisque. Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy!

• Mangaka: Ebino Bisque.
• Publication: 2023
• Publisher: TokyoPop.
• Print Length: 2 volumes.
• Genres: Drama, Gay, Romance, Yaoi.
• 4 / 5 stars.
• Synopsis of the first volume:

Riichi is a man everyone describes as being ice cold. He's a talented agent who manages bodyguards for the heir to a major financial conglomerate. One day, he's ordered to be a buddy for a bold but capable newbie who shows great promise, Tachibana. Tachibana uses up his salary right off the bat and says he doesn't even have an apartment to live in. Riichi allows Tachibana to stay with him and orders him around both in his work and private lives, but every day, he has his hands full with Tachibana's nonsense. And on top of all of that, Tachibana fell in love with him at first sight and tries to seduce him day and night!

As it's becoming more and more common, I started reading just a few pages to get an idea of what I was getting myself into, and I ended up devouring the first volume. Naturally, the only logical decision was to read the second one, which I finished even faster. The chemistry of the characters, the twists, and the developments are so well taken care of I couldn’t stop.

It was also a nice addition that the creator didn’t take the easy way in many things. Sure, there were some scenes that could have been longer, that would have given the story more subplots. However, Riichi and Mario’s relationship, and the subsequent events that affected it, were always front and central.

I would have preferred those scenes to be more developed, however. There was so much potential in each of them to develop, the ways they’d affect Riichi and Mario, that it was a bit underwhelming in some cases. It’s not a big deal, but it would have taken the romance, along with the whole story, to a new level.

All in all, it was beautiful, it was cute, it was entertaining, and it was lovable. If you’re looking for a romance with an intercultural romance, mental health issues, and sexual awakening, with a beautiful artwork that complements the script at all times, this is for you.

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Reclaiming the "Greedy" Bisexual

We're always the greedy ones, aren't we?

It's one of the most widespread misconceptions about bisexual people, that we're just too greedy, too confused, too indecisive, and so we take it all. The root of this problem, in my opinion, is that many still think in black and white: straight or gay. There's no spectrum, no in-between, no other option.

And for that I say, Why not take it as a compliment?

Here's what I mean:

The other day someone told me "I can't believe you eat so much" and I sudenly said "I'm bisexual, I'm greedy, I always want more". I've been thinking about that for a bit.

Many are already greedy, and not in terms of their sexual orientation. There's the one who wants to have sex as many times as possible, with different people. There's the one that likes to go to different places to eat. The one who watches too many movies, tv series, plays many games. There's the one who likes to have a lot of books.

We just happen to see a lot of beauty in a lot of people.

For me, being bisexual means that my feelings and passion are not restricted in any possible way. I can like people of different colors, races, ethnicities, backgrounds, gender identities, gender expressions, biological sex, or whatever. While it sounds like the typical definition of pansexual, for me it's also a way to say that I have a preference.

This same preference is not restrictive, but it's the predominant one, and it's not even set in stone. I've had times when I was more attracted to men, then to women, then to trans people, agender... And I just happen to feel more comfortable labeling myself as bi.

If being able to appreciate the beauty, the feelings, direct my passion, or find a person interesting and appealing, means I'm greedy, then bi all means I am.

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Backstreet Boys Made Me A Bisexual Kid

I used to ask some people how they realized they were queer. While it's true that we always know we're different to some degree, I do believe that when we're kids there's a moment of realization that shows us how different we are. For me, it happened when I was... 6, maybe 7 years old?

"It wasn't okay for me, a boy, to say that another boy was pretty". Source.

The scene is burned into my memory. I'm in a bedroom with one of my aunts, and there's a poster of the Backstreet Boys in the back of the door. I remember us talking about something and that my aunt asks me "which one is your favorite?" I didn't know their names, but I pointed at one and hoped she didn't ask me why.

Because I thought he was the prettiest of them all.

I knew I liked boys, and I knew that I also liked girls, but at that moment I realized that saying so wasn't a good thing. It wasn't okay to like both, it wasn't okay for me, a boy, to say that another boy was pretty. And thanks heaven my aunt didn't ask me why.

As years passed, I would remember that scene now and then. Although I knew it wasn't okay to speak about it, I didn't feel confused, lost, disgusted, or anything. I knew I was like that, I knew what I liked, and I was fine with it.

When I was 11 years old, I discovered the word bisexual. It made sense, I felt I belonged there, I liked it, and loved the colors of the flag. And at the same age I became aware that it wouldn't just be "not okay" to say it publicly. At 11, I started learning what could happen to me if I did it.

Fast forward a few years with my first attempt to come out of the closet at 17. Both my parents told me I was confused, that it was because I was so shy with girls, that it was because I didn't have a good relationship with my dad... I just said yes.

There's a lot of people saying that kids are too young to know, to understand, to realize anything. It seems to be that they are too young for anything related to the queer community, but not too young to watch Disney movies with straight couples, to see TV shows with straight couples, to read kids books where the parents are mom and dad, or anything that is oriented toward being cisgender or heterosexual.

"I didn't feel confused, lost, disgusted, or anything". Source.
PS: This is not the poster.

I grew up in a conservative, traditional family, there wasn't any Lady Gaga, Jeffree Star, Katy Perry, Troye Sivan, RuPaul, or Years & Years as I grew up, I watched almost all of Disney's movies and every single prince kissing the princess for a happily ever after. And I still liked one of the Backstreet Boys because he was pretty.

There was no pride movement, there were no examples, no figures, no movies, TV shows, videogames, books, comic books, or any kind of content that showed me anything that it wasn't a man falling in love with a woman. And yet the first thing I googled at 10 when I got my first PC was "naked men" and tried to erase it as soon as I saw it would end up saved.

Everyone in my family made fun of gay people, some were even disgusted, I read "bisexuality" as a sexual deviation in one of my textbooks when I was 14, I saw on the internet that lots of people ended up being disowned, kicked out, fired, jailed, and killed for not being cisgender or straight. And still I wanted to kiss a boy as much as I wanted to kiss a girl.

No one told me anything, no one guided me, no one taught me, no one helped me, no one gave me a safe space until I met friends I keep to this day that I could talk to no matter what. No one gave me a good example, a good image, a positive comment, access to any content, until I got that PC and decided to learn on my own and figure my shit out.

I was mocked, punched, kicked, abused, insulted, shouted at, bullied every. single. day. at school because I was the quiet kid, the pale kid, the nerd who was bad at sports. I was called "little girl" over and over and over and over for years and years and years until I dreaded the first day of school.

Kids know, kids notice, kids realize, kids feel, but they won't get a chance to "be kids" if they are not safe to be themselves. And just for the record, that member I liked? Nick Carter. His face was the first male face I thought was pretty, and defined my first "type" of guy. Who knew I would end up being bisexual because of him? But here we are.

Let kids be kids, even if they're not the kind of kids you thought they would be.

On the live-action Ursula controversy

A few days ago, I read that the makeup artist for the live-action The Little Mermaid responded to critics that said the makeup should have been done by a queer artist. Peter Smith King, the MUA in question, said he finds those critics ridiculous. I say I find him ridiculous.

You can read the full story in the link above, but in short several drag queen criticized the fact that it wasn't a queer artist who did Ursula's makeup for the live action, to which King said:

"I find that very offensive. (...) Why can't I do as good a job as a queer makeup artist? (...) That's ridiculous. That's trying to claim it and that's fine, if that's what they wanna do, but don't put people down because they're not what they want it to be"

I need to point to the fact that the critics are not towards his job. His job is great. Ursula looks good. He's a good artists. The critics are about the fact that there's no queer representation in a film that was influenced by drag queens: Ursula's look was inspired in the drag queen Divine.

I remember there being some comments about how great it would be if a drag queen portrayed her and the disappointment. However, Melissa McCarthy acknowledged Ursula's origins when asked about portraying the famous villain:

Melissa McCarthy on embodying Ursula in #TheLittleMermaid pic.twitter.com/U4agTfvTgo

— Deadline Hollywood (@DEADLINE) May 9, 2023

So, what's the issue here? Simple: the lack of representation, which also means a lack of respect. Divine influenced one of the most iconic movies in Disney's history, and they failed to respect that. What's even worse, King had the nerve to say he didn't draw on any inspirations:

I didn't really draw on anything. I played around quite a lot with different colors, different shapes, and stuff. (...) It just was sort of Melissa and I talking and creating. So I didn't really draw on anything at all.

Really? Let's see...

Yeah, well, I don't think so.

What do I have to say about this? Even if I've never been interested in drag queen, even if I haven't seen more than just a couple of episodes of Drag Race, I respect them for all the work and criticism they face, and I wished Disney did the same.

If not, King can acknowledge Divine in his work instead of taking the credit and robbing a queen of her legacy. He has 42 years of professional experience, and even worked on The Lord of the Rings, he doesn't need to steal from the queer community to prove he's a good artist.

He can be a good artist, but a questionable person if he fails to see the point.

And here's the point, for those who like it explicit: people can draw inspiration from whatever it is they want as long as they do it respectfully and acknowledge it. It doesn't make you less creative, less original, less important, or less relevant. It makes you more serious, professional, and socially responsible, even more if it's a marginalized, underrepresented community such as us queers. Disney has done it before, and things haven't improved.

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Discussing "Queer" as a word

I was reading an interesting post by Dr. Eric Cervini, author of The Deviant's War, about why we use "queer" nowadays as a synonym of LGBTQ+. After a captivating history lesson, there are some discussion questions we leaves for readers to discuss, and this being the safest space I have, I wanted to share with you my responses. You're also welcome to share your thoughts and experiences!

"I now use it like that and also as a collective term instead of the ever-growing LGBT+ for the sake of simplicity.". Source.

• What did the word “queer” mean when you were growing up? What does it mean to you now?

I didn't have that word while growing up. The first time I knew about it I was in college and it was being used to describe anyone who wasn't straight or cis but didn't want to label themselves in any of the most popular terms. However, I now use it like that and also as a collective term instead of the ever-growing LGBT+ for the sake of simplicity.

• What terms do you use to self-identify? Have these changed over time? If so, what was the cause of that change?

I first described myself "bisexual, semi-pansexual" because the initial definition of bisexual referred to attraction towards cisgender men and women only, and I found trans people also attractive. However, now that bisexual describes attraction to more than one, I just say I'm bi.

Also, reading about non-binary gender identities, I questioned myself as a man and using he/him pronouns. My idea was that, if men don't have to be cisgender, have a penis, have certain behaviors, then it didn't make sense to identify as a man. I tried to use they/them for a second, but that felt wrong. I didn't feel identified, even though I wouldn't feel bad if anyone used them with me.

• How do you feel when someone incorrectly identifies your gender or sexuality? What steps do you take to correct them?

If they do, I correct them once or twice, but if that doesn't work, then it depends on who's doing it. If I care about that person, then I insist and try to understand what makes it difficult for them. If it's just a matter of invalidating me in any sense, indifference, with no desire to change, I shut up and pay no attention. If they make an effort, I keep on explaining so we can reach a common ground so they understand what I'm talking about.

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Picking my Bibliomancy Books

Hello everyone. It’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I was thinking the other day about bibliomancy and how I could help others get more interested in this practice. One of things I realized is that I have a way to pick the books I use.

"When it comes to picking books, I think about the question I want to ask." Source.

It’s very simple: I read them first, and then decide if and how I could use them.

The reason is just as simple. Even though you can just use a magazine, I like to put in some effort in my practice, give it meaning and importance. It gives me a connection that helps me feel more connected to it.

When it comes to picking books, I think about the question I want to ask. The book must be related somehow to it, even if just a little. So far, I’ve been using three but, in the past, I had some different options that I could use now.

• The Picture of Dorian Gray: A queer, gothic classic that speaks about beauty, obsession, death, morality, love, art, passions, youth, immortality, and the human condition. I would even include mental health, identity, and friendship.
• The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm: This and the next one can both be used for queerness, mental health, adventure, innocence, childhood, religion, transformation, spiritual connection, and wonder. This one in particular is special for knowledge, evolution, and growth.
• The Original Folk and Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm: This and the previous one can both be used for queerness, mental health, adventure, innocence, childhood, religion, transformation, spiritual connection, and wonder. This one in particular is special for ancestral veneration, writing, and folklore.
• Edgar Allan Poe’s Complete Tales and Poems: I got it mostly because of the price, but Poe’s writing is amazing to explore shadow work, mental health, trauma, fear, shame, horror, nightmares, and memory. 
• Carmilla and other Vampire Tales: I had a book with several vampire tales, and they were all poetic. Carmilla is good for queerness, seduction, love, manipulation, shadow work, and protection. Vampires in general are also an option to explore sexuality, freedom, purity, and beauty.
• Frankenstein, or the Modern Prometheus: Although it’s not explicitly queer, there are some parts that make me think of Victor and his creation as queer-coded characters, so I can use it for internalized homophobia, along with obsession, mental health, identity, trauma, death, intellectual matters, growth, and study.
• Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde: Another one that could be considered queer-coded even if the author didn’t intend it. It speaks about madness, mental health, trauma, shadow work, personality, self-esteem, knowledge, purity, and evolution or devolution, depending on how you look at it.

I only need to also say that The Picture of Dorian Gray is my favorite, so I use it on a more regular basis to get general advise, even if the questions are not related to the content of the story.

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Manga: Platinum Blood

Sex and vampires go hand in hand. Add kink to make it even better. Add a taboo relationship, and theological questions, and I'm in. I read Platinum Blood, by Mor Ichigaya, in one sitting, and I'm craving for more because of how good it was! Thanks to the publisher for sending me a review copy!

• Print Length: 226 pages
• Publisher: TokyoPop
• Publication Date: April 15, 2023
• Genres: Drama, Fantasy, Gay, Homoerotic, Romantic, Yaoi
• Rating: 4 / 5 stars

The vampire Alucard — nicknamed Al — was brought up in a church, at the side of the kindly priest Kaname. Now all grown up and drop-dead handsome, Al has certain needs...

The dutiful Kaname generously allows the vampire to drink of his body — and it isn't just his blood that Al's sucking! Still, physical needs aren't the same as emotional desires, and Al finds himself stuck trying to get the oblivious, straight-laced Kaname to realize that he means more than an easy meal to him.

This book contains explicit content and mature themes, including (highlight to read) explicit sex, religious kink, age gap, dubious consent, and adoptive incest. It is not intended for anyone under 18 years of age.

I enjoyed this manga so much I want more! It is not fair that there's only one volume because the style and the art were both on point. I got trapped in the story from the beginning, loving it more as I progressed. Both Al and Kaname are beautiful characters I didn't get tired of at any point. I liked them for how imperfect they are and how organic that chemistry was.

The art was just as good, showing more than just what was happening. It included feelings, thoughts, the whole atmosphere of experiences that was going on in this story. The lines are so clean it felt the characters were alive, allowing you to get immersed in the pages with ease. Seriously, it felt so real I lost track of reality more than once!

Now, what I said at the beginning was a bittersweet thing to say, because there's more room for development, first of all regarding Al's origin and name. There's nothing in this volume to suggest that's his full name, although common knowledge plays a big part in here. However, I'm curious about the author's ideas, how this relationship developed, along with Kaname's theological insecurities. There's too much left to be said!

Platinum Blood is a great, beautiful story impossible not to love, not only because the superficial "who doesn't love queer, sexual vampires?" reasoning, but also because it offers a deeper, more interesting insight into humanity, love, life, and morality. There's sex, for sure, but there's also a story that could be turned into something longer, more enjoyable, more interesting, and more fascinating. Promising, to say the least.

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