There comes a point in life when you start questioning what you're doing, what you want to do, and what must change. I came to one of those a few days ago, and the idea is crystalizing as I write this. For a while now I've been thinking about my porn reviews and what they mean, how I feel about them, and I came to the conclusion that something had to change.
While it's funny and I like doing them, I don't feel I'm offering anything useful. This is not me saying that I dislike them or think the porn industry is useless, but that I'm questioning whether I'm doing a good work at writing those reviews.
I always want to feel I'm being part of something bigger in what I do, that I'm helping someone or something with my work. Porn reviews were one of the first things I thought about when creating this persona, and I initially thought that it would be a good way to support an industry that gets a lot of unjustified hate. However, things change.
The passion, the interest, the driving force to work on them, I don't feel it the same way as before. I look at my porn reviews and they don't seem as interesting as before. Even those short pornstar bios I wrote long ago, which I'm proud of, feel different now that I look at them.
I won't lie, I tried interviewing a few actors and models, I send a lot of messages and emails, and got little to no response, and that also plays a part in how I feel, but that only made me think more about all this. I guess that, for me, that porn career was a way of exploring my own sexual desires, fantasies, showing a more human side of those actors I admire.
In the end, I want to dedicate my time to something else. Porn, sex, sexuality, and similar topics are all alluring, I won't stop working with those, but I'm still figuring out what I'll do in the future. While I'm not closing the door to writing reviews again, it won't be a priority. It never was, to be honest, not really. I felt much better writing book reviews, my opinions, my experiences with the Alder King, I felt I was giving something bigger than I am. Reviewing porn doesn't give me the same satisfaction. It's fun, it's something different, but it's not the same.
I'm still open to ideas, suggestions, maybe there's something I haven't thought about at this point, but I still want to be part of the porn community in a way. Porn videos have been my escape, my fantasies, my ideas, and even a problem now and then. It's not a perfect part of who Kyler is, but it's a part nonetheless, so I'll still honor it.
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